But, seriously, folks, we kid. A little. See the above photo of what looks to be part of the ground floor of the 8-BR, 4.5-BA Arthur Astor Carey House in West Cambridge. Only the bravest Jake would approach that fireplace, no? (The weepy clown face thing in the molding is pretty scary, too.) Well, the manse does offer other, scrumptious attractions amid its 6,755 square feet, including a grand central hall, sweeping staircases and six more fireplaces. Plus, there is the history: The house, which dates from the early 1880s, is one of the earliest examples of Colonial Revival architecture in the United States. It last sold in 1976 for $150,000, and today is the only listing in Cambridge of at least $5M. That's hot.